10 relationship truths plucked from Barton Goldsmith, Ph. D.'s Emotional Fitness.
1. Successful relationships take work. They don’t happen in a vacuum. They occur when the couples in them take the risk of sharing what it is that’s going on in their hearts and heads.
2. You can only change yourself, not your partner. If you love someone and think that after a while he or she will alter behaviors you find uncomfortable, think again. If you want changes, put them on the table. so your partner knows what you need.
3. All arguments stem from our own fear or pain. When upset occurs, check out what’s going on inside of you rather than get angry with your partner. Truth is that we usually aren’t upset for the reasons we think we are.
4. Understand that men and women are very different. We’re not from Mars or Venus; we’re not even in the same solar system. Understanding and celebrating our differences will make living together more peaceful, interesting, and fun.
5. Honor each other in some way every day. Every morning you have the opportunity to make your relationship sweeter and deeper by recommitting to your mate. Feeling respected and cherished by the one you love makes life much nicer.
6. Anger is a waste of time. Anger is also a relationship killer, because it makes you self-absorbed and won’t allow you to see the good. If you are annoyed with your mate, give yourself some time to calm down and then gently discuss what’s going on for you.
7. Get regular tune-ups. Go to a couples workshop, talk with a counselor, or read a relationship book together at least once a year. Even if you don’t think you need it, you will pick up a couple of ideas, and the process alone will strengthen your connection.
8. Find a way to become and stay best friends. For some this sounds unromantic, but for those who live it, most say it’s the best part of their time together.
9. Be responsible for your own happiness. No other person can make you happy. It’s something you have to do on your own. If you feel it’s your partner’s fault, think again, and look within to find out what piece may be missing for you.
10. Give what you want to get. Our needs change with time. If you’d like to feel understood, try being more understanding. If you want to feel more love, try giving more. It’s a simple program that really works.
There are no guarantees, but couples who practice these techniques have longer and stronger relationships than those who are not proactive in their love.
The take away is don’t wait until an issue becomes a problem and that problem leads to a break up that could have been prevented. A relationship requires maintenance, just like anything else that you take care of. Try not to treat your mate any less than you would treat your car. Spruce up your love life by staying true to yourself and your significant other while adding in some spice every now and then.
Another fun hint: Leave Post It notes on the bathroom mirror or someplace you know they will visit in the morning with an “I love you” or a recap of the previous night’s tryst. It’s the little things in a relationship that really mean a lot and keeps things hot!!
