BolinPsychedIn

Damn it I have missed writing on here. Multi-tasking is not my forte, tunnel vision is, but man, I’m having to learn to take on tasks by the dozen. 

My daughter, for the first time in her 7 months here, came down with a brief illness. Most humans are prepared for this, I was not. Oh Jesus, I wish you all could have seen me in my best of hysteric fits throughout the last week or more. I was calling the doctor, looking online, buying every thermometer I could find, I was a mess.

For the first time, I truly felt different, something changed within me. There is not a word or phrase to describe the helplessness felt over being unable to “fix” what was ailing Layla.

Now on the other side of this past week’s drama, I can officially say I am not anywhere near the selfish bitch I have been all of my life, hallelujah.  I now know & hold unconditional love for another human being, outside of myself. 

You should see this 7 month old’s smile.

We’ll start here:

• I’m now about 9 months in, with 5 weeks to go until baby Layla arrives & I can get back to acting, feeling & resembling qualities of a real human being again.
• Getting a bit freaked out about the birthing part, wishing there was a way they could just wake me up when it is all over & done with.
• Caught the gestational diabetes bug, due to eating whatever I wanted & putting on 60 extra pounds (even though I still look fabulous).
• Doing the blood work, finger pricks, sugar testing 4x a day…. sort of.

It’s really all that I do as of lately. At 6 mos. pregnant, once you are finally comfortable in bed, you have to run to el’ bano or you have to eat. Your back hurts, feet ache, everything is just beyond your reach, all the time.

It would be nice to be all zen like & at one with my body & the universe, but come on, all the zen masters of the past were typically male, if you disagree with that, then assume the chicks were transgendered or post-op (if you’re one of these & offended, I don’t care, know that).

My mother just called & asked if I’ve done my daily walking today… no.

In closing, I’m excited for the baby to be here already, in about 3 more months that is. Layla’s going to be one amazing little human being, quick witted for sure.

There are millions, no trillions of things I want you to know about, things I have to tell you. Every night I plan on writing a tip here just for you. I would write them out, but my handwriting can get out of hand quickly & I tend to misplace the important things rather easily. Understand these will be random thoughts from me to you, seeing as we will need a flow chart & a diagram in order to cover more personal facts, such as your family tree.

• Self-confidence (with a smile) will get you just about anywhere.